Becoming Someone I Respect (Not Just Love)

 I once heard someone say, “Your mental health is probably doing better than your physical health – you should work on that.”

It hit me like a quiet truth hammering in: wholeness takes patience and effort.

Just like the gym, you don’t get stronger by wishing for it. Progress, whether physical, emotional, or spiritual, requires consistency, resilience, and discipline. You can’t feel your way into respect. You have to earn it with yourself.

You can pour all the positivity you want into your mind, but if you’re not moving with integrity, you’ll still feel the sting of dissatisfaction. The truth is, you’re not a failure, you're simply in training. You’re not broken, you’re becoming a player.
And becoming someone you respect means showing up not just with love but with stable standards.

Love Yourself But Deservingly

Here’s an image that stuck with me:
Taking care of a toddler.

Toddlers are delightful and chaotic tiny bundles of wonder that also scream like goblins over practically nothing, however, we don’t stop loving them when they’re difficult while we also don’t let them throw plates at strangers.

We guide them. We say no. We set boundaries.
Why? Because we love them.
Because we want them to grow up strong and ready to play the big game.
Because without guidance, love alone is just not enough.

You can gladly treat yourself the same way. You must seek the sport of living.

Love yourself not with indulgence, but with compassion and clarity. Treat yourself as a child with promise, not a tyrant with excuses. Hold yourself to standards that honor your ambition, not sabotage it. You are, in fact, like the toddler, living for the first time on this stage.

The truth is that respect is born from the quiet decision to stay aligned with what matters even when no one is watching.

When Self-Love Becomes Self-Sabotage

It’s easy to hide behind the softness of self-love.
To say, “It’s okay, I’m doing my best,” when you know you’re avoiding the hard work.
But love without growth becomes stagnant.
And comfort without honesty becomes betrayal.

There’s a deeper version of love that holds you accountable  that says:

“You are worthy, yes. But now show up like it.”

A Final Note to the Self You’re Becoming

You don’t need to be perfect.
You don’t need to hustle yourself into oblivion.
But you do need to trust yourself and trust comes from earned integrity.

Every time you keep a promise to yourself, you lay another brick of self-respect.
Every time you choose truth over avoidance, you become someone your future self can look up to.

So yes! love yourself. Softly. Deeply. Unapologetically.
But love yourself in a way that invites growth, not excuses.
Love yourself like someone you want to admire.

Become someone you would respect even if you weren’t you.

You have to learn how to counsel yourself in silence especially when your desires start to pull you in directions that don’t serve your bigger picture. There will be moments when something tempting tries to seduce you comfort, validation, a shortcut and you’ll have to become your own voice of reason. Not to deny yourself joy, but to remind yourself:

Not all cravings deserve to be fulfilled. Some must be outgrown.

This is where self-respect is formed, not in grand gestures, but in the quiet refusal to self-abandon.
And that kind of restraint isn’t repression. It’s devotion.
It’s saying: I deserve a future I won’t regret.

The resilience you build through patience is like a thread that weaves through every version of you. It gives you a chance to look back, not just with nostalgia, but with reverence. You start to realize that your strength hasn’t made you hard, it’s made you rooted.
You’re not just worthy of care because you’ve suffered. You're worthy of respect because you’ve endured, evolved, and risen again and again.

There’s dignity in becoming someone who doesn’t need to be rescued.
Someone who is not waiting to be chosen because you have chosen yourself already.

You’ve lived long enough, hurt deeply enough, and reflected thoroughly enough to know that your value isn’t dependent on the warmth of others.
You are no longer fragile in the face of withheld affection. You have stopped negotiating your worth in the currency of attention.

You are not just a survivor, but a witness to your own transformation.
A story told across many chapters, each one inked with lessons learned, illusions shattered, boundaries drawn, and strength reclaimed.

We are not simple creatures.
We are layered like vast notebooks filled with scribbled memories, torn pages, golden margins, and footnotes of grace.
To read yourself fully is to realize:

I’ve been through enough to deserve my own reverence.

And that  that  is what makes you unshakable.