The Communication Skills Workbook

We all know that there are good and bad listening skills. We understand and notice when someone is listening to us and can quickly discern when someone is not listening. What we don’t know is that listening is complex and depends heavily on our moods, thoughts, and values. There are different modes of listening that can be split into eight categories. When understanding these categories you learn how to differentiate between passive, critical, and mostly negative types of listening and positive, mindful, and skillful listening. Listening can be of utmost importance when communicating with others because without mindful listening communication is simply not possible. Whether it is your family life, friends and coworkers, or general professional life, good listening skills are crucial to maintaining a positive, healthy, and prosperous relationship. It is often positive to blend between positive active listening skills and abandon passive or aggressive negative listening to become mindful listeners and excellent communicators.

Discriminative Listening

When your general demeanor and state of mind are passive you are not employing any mental effort when listening. This is called discriminative listening and it is absent-minded listening meaning no importance is given to the dialogue. It could mean that you are not interested in the least in what the other person is saying or it could be a sign of fatigue and mind fogginess. If you find yourself or other people regularly using discriminative listening it could mean that the communication is regarded as meaningless. We are highly attentive when we feel that meaning could be generated from a dialogue, however, when we cannot see how we could generate meaning our attention falls to keep up with the dialogue, and our listening communication channel gets shut down. It is highly unprofessional and can be seen as impolite to use discriminative listening so we should try avoiding it or understanding what is keeping us from using active listening skills.

Comprehension Listening

Our physical bodies express active listening well and we can immediately catch when we or someone else is using active listening skills. Our faces depict deep interest and concentration in what the other person is saying. We begin to feel stimulated and can integrate the newly received information immediately into our schemata. This is how information is received and comprehended. Comprehension listening is the main active listening skill we use when we are learning something new. If we regard the information as important and meaningful we become deeply invested in the content and allow it to influence us.

Critical Listening

Critical listening is highly dependent on our manner and proficiency in arguing. If our communication skills are low and unrefined we tend to listen solely for the purpose of arguing our point of view. It is an indication of bad communication skills and arrogance in the manner and could potentially be very detrimental to communication. Critical listening, however, could be very positive in that it blends between comprehension listening and itself. What this fusion imparts is the activation of our knowledge, opinions, and schemata while integrating new information that is critically evaluated. We can subtract the valid information we are looking for or can comprehend to advance our own argument and knowledge.

Appreciative Listening

When we regard the speaker as someone of high status or importance, what they say can impact us heavily. If what the other person is communicating can be used to inform us positively about ourselves and our character we tend to appreciate them and, consequentially, listen using appreciation. Appreciative listening is a sign that we are enjoying the process of communication and just like comprehension listening we fuse them both together to activate our emotions while listening. We tend to be very invested in the other person and can be influenced by their words in great ways.

Biased Listening

Coming into an argument wielding a large shield made up of our own convictions is no way to enter an argument. Conflict is in direct opposition to communication and we are only in the conversation to win that is, literally and figuratively, a conflict. Biased listening does not usually have any remarkable outcomes besides an ego-boost. You could feel satisfied with yourself after the conversation is over but the value outcome is very negative. When the other person is also biasedly listening, we tend to become defensive and retaliate by aggressive argumentation that does not suit the goal of the process of communication. It can be extremely toxic to use this negative listening skill and could possibly harm our relationships. 

Evaluative Listening

Evaluative listening could be likened to positive critical listening but it differs in that it uses a rational approach as context and background information than our own convictions and biases. It could be said that evaluative listening is a search for accurate information and truth. It is a training-based listening skill that most skillful people use in a context where an educated and well-informed opinion is expected. Evaluative listening reflects our maturity and ability to use comprehension listening, positive critical listening, and evaluative listening. Wisdom could be the closest term to use when speaking of evaluative listening because we are being extraordinarily perceptive and attentive while listening.

Dialogic Listening

When listening using our senses, emotions, and experiences we are activating our empathic abilities. Dialogic listening is used when we are trying to relate on an emotional and experiential level with the speaker. We tend to compare the other person’s experience and emotions to our own to see where we could potentially be at a middle ground or articulate deeper meaning. This type of listening is highly dependent on our ability to use empathy and comprehension along with listening. It is a truly important skill to have and we tend to develop it by regularly stimulating our emotions, memories, and identities when listening. Having this listening skill is important because it increases our understanding and appreciation of others.

Relationship Listening

We use this listening skill to bond with others and it involves a heavy integration between different types of listening. Relationship listening integrates comprehension listening, appreciative listening, evaluative listening, and also dialogic listening. Bonding is a highly complex process that necessitates intricate, attentive, and perspective listening. We use our emotions and empathy but also our abilities to evaluate and comprehend the other person. We begin to feel highly invested in the other person because we associate them with a pleasant communication experience.